Setiap malam kau harus bergelut dengan suara bisik desisan yang mengumpan gundah dan amarah: kau tak layak kau tak mampu siapa engkau apa hak kau Dan setiap malam kau tak mampu terlelap mata parau memandang ke siling bilik yang mengejek mencebik: kau pasti gagal kau anak tersial kenapa engkau mengapa kau Setiap malam kalaulah mampu ingin aku pinjamkan selaut kasih dari hati tulus ini agar menjadi perisai yang melindungimu dari bisik cebik itu dan menyelimutimu agar lena dibuai kasihsayang selamat dalam teduhan tenang.
Tentang Secangkir
Secangkir kopi semanis puan
Buat pembuka hari terindah
Syukur hati bertindan-tindan
Kasih adinda perawat gundah.
On the New York Times Spelling Bee
Seven letters in honeycomb formation; we solve for words with joy.
On Neverness
I will always remember that evening, humid, balmy you were dressed in white crowned by fiery stars like the most graceful swan that swims serenely in a lake of her own joy. Meanwhile, I am just a speck of sand here amongst these people who love you. And as the crowd rises to its feet in celebration I shove my hands in my pockets and look away for just a brief moment lost in the neverness of us.
On Political Tourism
Those who know Kat and I well would know that we both have an abiding interest in politics. In fact, the first time Kat and I ever met was at the Putra World Trade Centre – during the UMNO General Assembly back in 2007! I was working for Pak Lah then, and Kat was working as a political analyst with Karim Raslan Associates.
Over the years, while both of us have drifted away professionally from the world of politics, we both have maintained deep interest especially in Malaysian politics, and the general broad lens of public affairs remains a common point of interest for both of us.
So much so, that one of the things we have been doing, on-and-off over the years, is what we both call “political tourism”. The usual expression of this is when elections would take place somewhere – whether it is general elections season, or a more locally-focused by-election – we would take the time to drive around, have a look at the poster game, maybe even chat up the locals on their take of politics on the ground at the local gerai or mamak. In the recent general elections of November 2022, Kat and I both made it a point to attend as many political ceramah and rallies as we could, taking care to try to attend events held by each of the major political parties. Often, the mood and fanfare of the events as they take place, and the level of energy and excitement amongst the speakers and the audience, are a very good barometer of political sentiment, and often a good leading indicator of how the political tea leaves would fall in place come Election Day.
We have walked through a crowd of mostly Chinese onlookers in the audience, eyes transfixed on me being this one obviously Malay dude, as Lim Kit Siang spoke on stage in JB to explain why it was it was time to punish Ah Jib Gor and UMNO. We saw, in Shah Alam, the tepid response to Arul Kanda’s arguments on why he believed that everything was ok with 1MDB. We saw, in Gombak, that the level of enthusiasm for Amirudin was going to carry the seat for him against Azmin. We were in the audience one rainy November evening, the crowd undampened by the weather as fireworks streamed to the sky and we realised that Perikatan Nasional – contrary to my initial expectations going into the November 2022 elections – were going to win big. It’s been a great ride, and many memorable moments, so far.
Recently, we just realised that we are about to – inadvertently, I must add – find ourselves participating in yet another jaunt in our long string of political tourism over the years. Should be fun!
Tentang Kicauan
Tentang Rerautan Wajahmu
Pada rerautan wajahmu itu
Terukir seribu penderitaan
Seumur dirundung pencelaan
Suatu penyeksaan yang jitu
Setiap garis terpahat kemas
Mencatat setiap penghinaan
“Apakah aku yang kekurangan?” -
ratib sang jiwa yang lemas
Sedu sedan kau redamkan
Berbuku dalam cembul sunyi
Tersekam nyalaan mahangeri
“Aku bukan milikmu lagi.”
On Listening (or, In This Cosmic Bed)
Everyone just wants someone, anyone
to Listen
to pay Attention
like coins from a fraying purse
a Hunger and a boundless Thirst
to be Seen
to be Heard
like a Human worthy and complete
standing on their own two feet
Everyone just wants that singular one
to Kiss
to be Kissed
like water I pour my Self
like wine I drink your Self
to Care
to be Cared for
like a Human loved and beloved
lying together amidst this cosmic Bed.
Familiar Ties
And so we go on like this, pretending As if nothing has and will ever change Not one of us fully comprehending Why these ties that you bind are now fraying, estranged You think that if we all just walk blindly Close our eyes and ears to Justice and Truth Somehow we can look back at this fondly That Love alone can somehow meekly soothe I reject your compulsive Forgiveness I object to your purblind Compassion I want Love that is grounded on Fairness Not one based on evasive omissions Avert your eyes, if you will, to all this And pretend like we will somehow forget But there is no going back to your imagined bliss Only hearts overfed with putrid regret.
On Valentine’s Day (My Love, in the Spirit of John Donne)
Roses are red, violets are blue: 'til God strikes me dead, even thence, I'll love you. For my Love is no casual fling, it throbs and thrives, a-flowering, a prayer in the dark of night, a gust of air 'neath birds in flight. My Love doth sing in hushed tones, in tender words it soothes my bones, it calls to you, in sweetest praise, it rises with your morning gaze. My Love flees not the growling seas, it stays, it braves, my Love and me. Undaunted by Life's rough travails, My Love, amidst it all, prevails. So when they praise the reddest Rose, and when they mark the Violet blue - The angels themselves will propose That Our Love be forever True.
Happy Valentine’s Day to my one True Love <3