life – Page 33 – The Days of Ziad Hafiz Razak

20 May, 2023

One hundred days ago, I started writing again – egged on by some unnameable djinn of my unsatisfied youth. I took pencil to paper (occasionally, but more frequently, digits to keyboard) and started writing again – rediscovering the undulating joys and sorrows of words, like an old sailor rowing his small dinghy past the crags and coastlines that he once knew well.

I say “rediscover”, because for a brief period in my youth, this was all I ever wanted to do – to read joyfully, and to write soulfully: to breathe in the mysteries of the universe, to bask in the crypticism of existence, and to exhale outwards for others whatever small particles of wisdom I was able to assemble from the dustmotes of Life.

What can I say? Many years came in between myself and I – years filled with the longing for warm embraces and silent kisses, for the hollow thrill of rising in the estimation of one’s peers, for the sheer and desperate act of merely staying alive. Many years of wanting to start, some days of actually starting, and on those rare days, being quickly embarrassed into silence by my own sense of futile ambition.

Then one day, I started writing again. And again. And again. Each time, I would tell myself, quietly and firmly: this is for yourself. No one but yourself. Because we are all silently rowing our own little small dinghies in the darkness of being alone – every word, every sentence, every exhalation is a furious defiance of the inexorability of Time, to say I exist, dammit!

I breathe in again. Breathe out. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat, every day, every week, every year, evermore.

18 May, 202318 May, 2023

Tentang Penggilap dan Pelahap

Kau gilap lencana 
pada gril hadapan Alphard yang kau tunggang seharian
yang megah menempikkan "D.I.M.P."
pada sekalian insan kecil 
yang menghurung jalan raya 
disekelilingmu
 
dan kau lahapkan 
setiap kata puji dan bodekan
orang-orang yang kau pilih khusus
demi bakat mereka
memarakkan naluri takabbur
dihatimu

dan kau sakau 
apa yang sempat kau sakau
agar dapat terus berdatukdatin
dengan rakan-rakan taikun dan parasit
yang kau temui di majlis-majlis penuh gah
yang kau santuni dalam laman majalah Tatler

kerana kau mengharapkan
semua nobatsilat itu
mampu mengabui perasaan malu
atas kedaifan jiwa dan kendirimu
dan dapat membuatkan kau lupa
walaupun untuk seberapa lama

bahawa kau juga manusia
yang harus makan dan minum
yang perlu kencing dan berak
yang akhirnya akan mati
sebagaimana orang lain juga harus mati.

14 May, 202311 May, 2023

On Political Tourism

Those who know Kat and I well would know that we both have an abiding interest in politics. In fact, the first time Kat and I ever met was at the Putra World Trade Centre – during the UMNO General Assembly back in 2007! I was working for Pak Lah then, and Kat was working as a political analyst with Karim Raslan Associates.

Over the years, while both of us have drifted away professionally from the world of politics, we both have maintained deep interest especially in Malaysian politics, and the general broad lens of public affairs remains a common point of interest for both of us.

So much so, that one of the things we have been doing, on-and-off over the years, is what we both call “political tourism”. The usual expression of this is when elections would take place somewhere – whether it is general elections season, or a more locally-focused by-election – we would take the time to drive around, have a look at the poster game, maybe even chat up the locals on their take of politics on the ground at the local gerai or mamak. In the recent general elections of November 2022, Kat and I both made it a point to attend as many political ceramah and rallies as we could, taking care to try to attend events held by each of the major political parties. Often, the mood and fanfare of the events as they take place, and the level of energy and excitement amongst the speakers and the audience, are a very good barometer of political sentiment, and often a good leading indicator of how the political tea leaves would fall in place come Election Day.

We have walked through a crowd of mostly Chinese onlookers in the audience, eyes transfixed on me being this one obviously Malay dude, as Lim Kit Siang spoke on stage in JB to explain why it was it was time to punish Ah Jib Gor and UMNO. We saw, in Shah Alam, the tepid response to Arul Kanda’s arguments on why he believed that everything was ok with 1MDB. We saw, in Gombak, that the level of enthusiasm for Amirudin was going to carry the seat for him against Azmin. We were in the audience one rainy November evening, the crowd undampened by the weather as fireworks streamed to the sky and we realised that Perikatan Nasional – contrary to my initial expectations going into the November 2022 elections – were going to win big. It’s been a great ride, and many memorable moments, so far.

Recently, we just realised that we are about to – inadvertently, I must add – find ourselves participating in yet another jaunt in our long string of political tourism over the years. Should be fun!

13 May, 202311 May, 2023