Tag: friendship

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#624 On Being Your Jiminy Cricket

Am I your Jiminy Cricket
The voice of your frail, dimmed conscience?
The one you turn to
When you need the strength 
To be the person
You’ve always known you ought to be?

Or am I just another member of
Your sprawling audience?
An unwitting witness to your witless schemes
The unremitting pursuit of
Your faded dreams?
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#551 Tentang Pemergian Seorang Sahabat

Malam ini aku dikejutkan
Dengan berita pemergianmu, sahabat

Terlalu lama kita tidak bersua
Dan kerinduan itu kini takkan terubat
   Kau telah pergi meninggalkan kami

Malam ini aku mengenangkan
Satu demi satu ingatan padamu, sahabat

Terlalu lama aku bertangguh untuk berjumpa
Kini saatnya sudah terlewat
   Kau telah pergi ke alam abadi

Damailah di sana, sahabat
Kita bakal ketemu nanti. 

(buat sahabatku Abas, moga Allah merahmati)
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#440 On Politesse

With open heart I reach past smiles contrived
To venture past the void of hearts unknown 
To pierce into the place where lives are lived
To risk unproven friendships overthrown 
   My olive branch not overtly dismissed
   But glanced aside with mannerly resist.
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#433 On Echoes of Friendships Past

Our friendships echo loud through muddled Time
And even in the darkest night, alone
The memories come alive in gentle rhyme 
For all our sins, these warm ties do atone
   And even though our lives now barely meet
   I treasure this: no lies, no bald conceit.
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#432 On Friends and Turkish Tea

After all that has been said and done
I am glad that we are still friends
Even if we only see each other
Once every few months, these days 
The Turkish tea reminds us 
That friendships can transcend time 
And place.
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On Male Friendships

The so-called “battle of the sexes” has been going on since time immemorial: frequent fodder for religious zealots and stand-up comedians and other chroniclers and observers of the human condition.

But one area in which ladies have surely had the upper hand against the supposedly more stoic sex must surely be in the realm of friendships. Unlike ladies, men continue to labour under the expectation that they need to be “strong”, to “suck it up”. We are expected to march into battle, “game face” on, showing no mercy and taking no prisoners. “Vulnerability” is considered verboten: a luxury that only ladies can indulge in, whereas the men are expected to “man up” and get on with the job.

The tides are changing, though. Nowadays, the concept of “mental health” has gone mainstream, and leaders are counseled to be more “open”. Collaboration and consultation are seen nowadays as competitive imperatives in a global economy that prizes knowledge and the rapid dissemination and sharing of ideas. Years ago it was still considered strange for men to follow in the footsteps of Tony Soprano and “seek help” – today, more and more men are open to the idea of finding support for mental health.

It is in this vein that I find my more recent conversations with male friends becoming more meaningful and satisfying. Perhaps not yet in the confines of the boardroom or the locker room, but I find that in the relative safety of one-on-one conversations over coffee, more and more of my male friends are willing to open up, to share their recent challenges and frustrations and dilemmas.

A lot of things need to fall in place, for this magic to happen: a willingness to share, and to open up. Empathy for each other’s point of view. A shared understanding of each other’s contexts in terms of work or marriage or social situation. Mutual respect for the lives that we lead, and the choices that we have made. Trust that the conversations would remain confidential.

It’s not always easy to get here, but when it happens, I feel the friendship climbing to a new level of meaningfulness. The relationship feels a bit less superficial or transactional, and a bit more real. Life itself feels a bit less lonely, that bit more manageable.

We are still miles behind the ladies when it comes to being able to share and support each other. But we are catching up. I can see it in my own friendships, and I feel truly grateful for this.