Just watch me walking away
Riding off into my own private sunset
Alone, but unhurt
I sought my own refuge
From your games
And here I am
Intact and ungrateful
- or so you would say
I refuse to be one of the maimed
And those who have remained
They will bear their own scars, in time
Goodbye.
I have no more tears left to cry.
#607 On Being a Good Boy
All I wanted was to be a good boy;
A good boy who would not disappoint you, and make
You proud. My being would wipe away your tears.
I would tiptoe around the eggshells of my toys
And your feelings: mercurial, volatile. I would rake
Away your hurts, and transmute them into my own fears.
#606 On Your Flag at Half-Mast
In the end, the only thing left of you
Were your ashes, neatly wrapped up in urn;
The pictures, sepia-toned, scattered on tables
As your ex-colleagues and friends took turns
To give bad speeches and recount feeble
Recollections, probably not all of them true.
I never really knew you, and could only recall
One conversation that we ever had; something
About the economy or global affairs. Mostly
I think of your final years of hard suffering;
The years that cancer took from you; all
That time when Time was ebbing away, swiftly.
I hope you've found your peace, at last,
Our hearts now fly your flag, half-mast.
#603 On Coded Speech
Your whole life, you promised that you would
Be different. You would not be like your own mother,
And you would love all of your own children, each
Of them equally loved. In the end, you smothered
Each of your children with the same poison: rude
Doses of insult and disgust, beneath coded speech.
#550 Tentang Kecewa Yang Enggan Terpadam
Jiwa terpatah
Mungkir amanah
Nanah menular
Marah mengakar
Porak peranda
Merana jiwa
Hayat terkandas
Berang terlafaz
Kasih tercalar
Hati terbakar
Pendam kecewa
Terluka hampa.
#535 Tentang Khabar Derita
Tiap satu jalur berita
Yang menceritakan arus hidupmu
Membawakan khabar-khabar derita
Kisah-kisah kesat yang terlalu berat
Untuk ditanggung oleh mata telinga kami
Namun pastinya
Berat lagi tanggung bahumu
Yang makin hari makin surut
Dibebankan selaksa dendam dan kesal
Didegilkan segunung pilihan bebal
Tiap satu jaluran hari
Yang meresahkan benak fikirmu
Membawakan satu lagi peluang
Agar engkau meredah sedikit ruang
Untuk segera kembali pulang
Yang pastinya
Bukan tugasku lagi
Untuk tercegat berdiri
Menuntut agar engkau berhenti berlari
Engkau harus hadapi sendiri
Dengan gigih berani seorang lelaki.
#497 On Ascending
I scratched my hands today
To see if I still bleed
Tried to wash it all away
This deeply-seated need
To love and so be loved
But you cannot reveal
The pain of all these years
You can never heal
What have I become
Your broken child
All I have to taste is
Your dark, tainted bile
And you could never have
My empire of love
I will leave you here, as
I ascend above.
(with apologies to Trent Reznor and Johnny Cash)
#493 Tentang Derhaka
Kita diajar
Jangan pernah derhaka
Pada kedua ibu bapa
Patuh dan dengar
Taat dan sabar
Jangan pernah celupar
Jangan pernah mencabar
Jadi bagaimana pula
Kalau ibu bapa yang derhaka
Pada Tuhan dan keluarga?
Abai anak isteri
Lalai tiada peduli?
Kalau anak derhaka digelar Tanggang
Kalau bapa derhaka, siapa malang?
#482 On the Grim Fire
Grim is the fire that
Fiercely burns in your brow, like
A dark, defiant blaze.
#480 On Your Grim Resolve (For Yong)
The fiercest indignation on your brow
That colours your defiance in fractured grace
“So young, and look at her, so shattered now!”
You see the pity writ on every face
And yet I see the grim resolve so plain
You will not cower, you’ll surely rise again!