Author: admin

The so-called “battle of the sexes” has been going on since time immemorial: frequent fodder for religious zealots and stand-up comedians and other chroniclers and observers of the human condition.

But one area in which ladies have surely had the upper hand against the supposedly more stoic sex must surely be in the realm of friendships. Unlike ladies, men continue to labour under the expectation that they need to be “strong”, to “suck it up”. We are expected to march into battle, “game face” on, showing no mercy and taking no prisoners. “Vulnerability” is considered verboten: a luxury that only ladies can indulge in, whereas the men are expected to “man up” and get on with the job.

The tides are changing, though. Nowadays, the concept of “mental health” has gone mainstream, and leaders are counseled to be more “open”. Collaboration and consultation are seen nowadays as competitive imperatives in a global economy that prizes knowledge and the rapid dissemination and sharing of ideas. Years ago it was still considered strange for men to follow in the footsteps of Tony Soprano and “seek help” – today, more and more men are open to the idea of finding support for mental health.

It is in this vein that I find my more recent conversations with male friends becoming more meaningful and satisfying. Perhaps not yet in the confines of the boardroom or the locker room, but I find that in the relative safety of one-on-one conversations over coffee, more and more of my male friends are willing to open up, to share their recent challenges and frustrations and dilemmas.

A lot of things need to fall in place, for this magic to happen: a willingness to share, and to open up. Empathy for each other’s point of view. A shared understanding of each other’s contexts in terms of work or marriage or social situation. Mutual respect for the lives that we lead, and the choices that we have made. Trust that the conversations would remain confidential.

It’s not always easy to get here, but when it happens, I feel the friendship climbing to a new level of meaningfulness. The relationship feels a bit less superficial or transactional, and a bit more real. Life itself feels a bit less lonely, that bit more manageable.

We are still miles behind the ladies when it comes to being able to share and support each other. But we are catching up. I can see it in my own friendships, and I feel truly grateful for this.